What Keeps Me from Growing (8 of 10) - Selfishness

Caution:

We have to distinguish between self-love and selfishness. If I counseled, you to “love yourself” would you have a negative reaction to that? Of course, you would. Maybe the word “egotistical” came to mind. But I’m not asking you to be self-centered or selfish. I’m asking you to respect yourself, protect yourself, take care of yourself. And that’s a biblical thing to do.

 

Here’s what the bible says.

• Leviticus 19:18 “Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but love your neighbor as yourself.” Now, you can’t love your neighbor as yourself unless you love yourself too.
• Matthew 19:19 “Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.”
• Mark 12:31 “The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
• Luke 10:27 “The man answered, ‘“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.” And, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”’”
• Romans 13:9 “For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting—and any other commandment—are all summed up in this one commandment: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
• Galatians 5:14 “For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
• James 2:8 “Yes indeed, it is good when you truly obey our Lord’s royal command found in the Scriptures: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Developing Selflessness

So, what are some things we all can do that help curb that natural tendency toward selfishness and develop the character of selflessness just like Jesus? From what I glean from the Bible, let me suggest a few very practical things. 

1. Check your own heart. If you detect more than a little selfishness there, confess it to God for what it is—sin. “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
2. Look for ways to help other people. Anticipate their needs and feelings so you can meet them at the point they have them. You can always tell helpful people because you don’t have to tell helpful people you need help. Look around you. At the needs of your family. Do you have parents who need to feel loved and appreciated in their aging years. Call them. Tell them you love them. Anticipate their feelings and don’t be selfish. Bring them some joy.
3. Listen to people when they talk. It sounds so simple, but we are so bad at just lending a sympathetic ear or paying attention when people talk to us. We are selfish that way. If you consciously listen to what people have to say, you might both learn something and put yourself in a position to be used by the Lord to help them.
4. Don’t interrupt people when they talk. Let them finish their sentence. Don’t trump their story by interjecting your story. After all, their story may actually be more interesting to everyone than yours. You don’t always need to be talking. Did you know that you never learn anything while talking, except perhaps the accurate perception that no one is listening. Don’t interrupt. That’s selfish.
5. Compliment people. Do you know how thirsty some people are for the tiniest compliment? Perhaps it’s been weeks or months since they’ve had one. Be sincere, but show the love of Christ in the way you notice things about other people and compliment them.
6. Show kindness to all people. Even the least of these, Jesus says. Being kind doesn’t cost you anything. It doesn’t diminish you in any way. It doesn’t take cash to be kind, but it takes a lot of character. Paul said to the Romans, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10). To the Ephesians he said, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:30-32).
7. Be on time. One of the most frequent acts of selfishness is being late. It presumes on the time of others and shows a lack of discipline on your part. It frustrates your friends, it disrupts the church service, and at work this act of selfishness could get you fired. It’s just as easy to be on time consistently as it is to be 10 minutes late consistently.

If a child grows up in a praising environment, the child will learn to appreciate.

If a child grows up in an encouraging environment, the child will learn to be confident.

If a child grows up in an environment of understanding, the child will learn to be patient.

If a child grows up in a just environment, the child will learn to be fair.

If a child grows up in a secure environment, the child will learn to trust.

If a child grows up in an environment of acceptance and friendship, the child will learn to find love in people. 

 

A BAKER’S DOZEN OF VERSES ABOUT SELFISHNESS

1. James 3:14 - 17 “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”
2. 2 Timothy 3:1 - 5 “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.”
3. 2 Corinthians 9:7 “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
4. Philippians 2:3 - 4 “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
5. Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
6. John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
7. Matthew 20:28 “Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
8. 1 Corinthians 13:5 “[Love is not] rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.”
9. John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.”
10. Psalm 119:36 “Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!”
11. 2 Timothy 3:2 “For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy.”
12. Romans 15:1 - 2 “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”
13. Proverbs 18:1 “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”